New year, new me. Or should I say new year, better me? I don’t feel I need to change anything in particular, because I’m quite accepting of who I am and constantly strive to become a better version of myself, but my personal goal is to love myself as the ones who surround me and care about me do. There is one person in particular who always made me feel confident, and that is my Grandma.
I’ve been thinking a lot during the past few days. The new year is a time to reflect on our goals, center ourselves and find truth, seek greatness and be grateful of the past. To start the year off right, my husband and I took a vacation to Florida this passed week to spend some quality time unplugged with our three kiddos and get away from the everyday stressors and struggle to find a happy work/life balance. It was not the time away we had planned considering we were looking for heat and found cold. Luckily we had our tuques tucked away in our luggage! I’m not even kidding. Don’t even get me started on the two and a half hour process to get into Disney, and let’s not forget the phone call that changed my trip. My grandma passed away on Day 3 of our travel plans. As I’m sitting here in an airport, by myself, leaving my husband and kids with dad of the year in Florida (I recognize it’s only January 5th but this guy earned it and will take the trophy home on December 31st), I think of her. Like I do regularly, daily.
She was wonder woman. A kind hearted, open minded, selfless ray of sunshine. She was the only grandparent I ever got to know and the one I could share my secrets with. She was accepting and found joy in other people’s happiness. I spent my summers with her on the farm, watching her bake bread, tending to her garden that could feed the entire community. She helped others at all times of the day. I remember calling her the night before a gala to alter a dress I purchased the same evening (I’m a last minute shopper, what can I say?!). Needless to say, it was ready at 6 am the next morning and fit like a glove. I could ask her to come help me paint my house when I was redecorating and there she was with her step ladder and paint clothes on (they didn’t have a speck of paint on them- cause she was that good).
When I spent time with my Mémère I would always seek her life lessons and words to live by. When I asked her what her secret to living a full life was (Mémère, c’est quoi le secret de la vie?) she said this : It’s loving and being loved (C’est d’aimer et être aimé). Being loved implies you need to love yourself first to accept the love of others. As I’ll think of her daily, she will forever remind me to love myself, accept love and love others. Even though my grandma only had the chance to get to grade 9 before she had to stop her education to help raise her younger siblings, she is by far my favourite teacher.
I always find it funny how life sends you signals and secret messages. The day we found out she was gone to a better place than when she exited this lifetime, we were on our way to Kennedy Space Center. What did I walk up to but this quote. I’m sure it’s a sign from her. It was her time.
My advice to myself and to others is to love yourself and tell the ones you love that you do. You can’t hear those words enough. Even those who don’t believe it themselves will start to.
Tu me manques, Mémère. Je t’aime jusqu’au ciel.